Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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