Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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