so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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