The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize