Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
