He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
