It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
