Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize