True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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