Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
