first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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