I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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