Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
