You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think my tv is drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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