look no pants
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
