that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
