4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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