after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
