i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
