Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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