maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
