Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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