I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
