I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize