Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
