yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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