shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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