wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
