no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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