In the future we'll all be gay
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
