And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
