We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
