weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I sprained my soul last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
