I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
