ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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