Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
