I CAN MOONWALK!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
