i need an iv and a liver transplant
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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