I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
