I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
