god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
