so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
