All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
