there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
