Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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