he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
