there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize