Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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