I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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