Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
