I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
