what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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