My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
