ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to stop coming to work sober
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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