i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
