Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
