dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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