I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
