just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
