When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
