I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize