i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
