he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
