Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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