i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
