I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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