this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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