it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
