i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
