One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
