I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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