hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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