I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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