She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
