I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
