She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize