So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
