She's JV to your varsity
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
