New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
