yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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