The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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