my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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