The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
