Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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