Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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