I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
