I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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