You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
