A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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