when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
